White coat. Heels.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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