my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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