i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
