we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
