rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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