Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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