i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
