...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
