I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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