tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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