every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I believe in your delicious
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
