He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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