blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
