Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I think my vagina is haunted
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
