he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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