It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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