i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
