im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize