if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
