My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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