I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
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