If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
