I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Randomize
