would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
