hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
