I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
