He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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