i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
