i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Dick very happy bro
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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