just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
