He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
