I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
