sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
