So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
