I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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