if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize