nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
