You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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