Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
