Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
