She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
