I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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