i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
