Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
