I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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