Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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