I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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