she looked like the before picture.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
