you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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