Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
