My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
