Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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