I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
