if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize