quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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