It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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