how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
