to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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