I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
