I love black thongs
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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