Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
