dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
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