1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
