I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'm at about main and main street
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
