I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
last night I used snow as a chaser
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize