is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
True strength comes from lack of pants
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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