Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
handjob tips. give me some.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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