I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
