You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
