If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
if only i could text you this smell
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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